Assertiveness is an interpersonal style underpinned by confidence and self awareness. It’s also an integral part of managing relationships, conflicts and competing priorities in the workplace.
Rather than a trait that people either have or don’t have, assertiveness is a skill that can be learnt. It involves verbal, para-verbal and non-verbal components.
A lack of assertiveness may be one reason that your feelings or needs are not acknowledged or met by others.
Developing skills in assertiveness can also improve communication with colleagues, managers, clients and other external stakeholders.
It may be that we know how to be assertive but we get so anxious that we find we can’t carry out the behaviour.
We might have unrealistic beliefs and negative self-statements about being assertive, our ability to be assertive, or the things that might happen if we are assertive.
E.g. “It’s uncaring, rude or selfish to say what you want”; “If I assert myself I’ll upset the other person and ruin our relationship.”
We may feel we don’t have the verbal and nonverbal skills to communicate in an assertive manner, resulting in avoidance.
There are certainly learnable tools that can facilitate assertiveness. They fall into three broad categories: emotional and social intelligence, assertive body language and verbal skills.
If you’d like to brush up on assertiveness, Caraniche offers a range of training courses to support the professional development of employees and managers, including Assertiveness and Communications Skills.